Sick of pining for a really romantic holiday because your guy just doesn’t get it? You are not alone. Many women long for romance but are with men who just doesn’t have a clue how to be romantic.
The thought of romance may trigger sadness and regret at the kind of relationship you’d like to have, but don’t. It may cause you to feel nostalgic for earlier times in your relationship when your partner swept you off your feet, but that doesn’t happen anymore.
If it seems to you that there is no romance in your love relationship or marriage, this could be a cause of bitterness within you and conflict between you and your mate.
Romance is Subjective
Men and women certainly have differing definitions about what is sexy or romantic. Generally speaking, women’s sexual fantasies tend to be filled with more romantic interludes then do men’s. Many women find a candlelit bubble bath or spontaneous picnic at dusk to be a great way to get in the mood sexually, as well as a way to express and share their love. This desire for romance begins in girlhood when young women are entranced by the promise of Prince Charming coming to life.
For boys (and later, men), their sexual fantasies tend to focus more directly on sex without all those romantic frills. So it’s not that he loves you less than you love him; it may just be that his expression of love excludes that prelude of chocolate and roses. Another point to consider: Some men have a harder time expressing their deeper emotional feelings, and fear feeling vulnerable if they do.
So now you know why trying to get romance out of your guy is like trying to get blood from a stone. But this doesn’t mean you are stuck with that.
Most women in this situation never say anything to their guy about their need for romance. They figure it won’t help, or they are afraid of expressing their desire for romance, or they fear being rejected or embarrassed in some way.
Also, some women think that romance is only “valid” if it’s a surprise or if it arrives from him without prompting, and if they have to ask for the attention, then the romance is destroyed. All of these excuses prevent you from improving the situation, and they leave him digging himself a deeper and deeper hole.
Teaching Your Man About Romance
Romance, Like Most Things, Can be Taught
We ALL learn things by someone telling us how it works, why it works, showing us how they do it and then offering positive reinforcement for doing it ourselves.
Here are some steps you can take to make romance bloom more easily between the two of you:
Spell It Out
He isn’t a mind reader, so he may not even know what you find romantic! If you just say “do something romantic,” he may feel overwhelmed or insecure and end up doing nothing. Or you could wind up with beer and pretzels, watching football on TV. Be specific — for example, say to him: “It would be really romantic if we could have strawberries and champagne by candlelight while I’m in some pretty new robe that you get me.”
Drop Gift Hints
When it comes to presents, it is still very reasonable to tell him what you want (“I think a bracelet would be so romantic. I just love turquoise stones, don’t you?”). If you can’t bear to do that, try putting a little note on his pillow that says: “I really love surprises but am kind of hoping for some earrings this year.” If you trust a girlfriend enough, ask her to call him and tell him what you have been pining for.
Ask for simple things: Don’t ask for expensive gifts or items that are hard to size. And if you have children, don’t bring them into it, because they might end up feeling responsible for your romantic happiness — which is not a good place to be.
Be a Role Model
Romance is a two-way street. Be romantic yourself all year long if you want him to be, too. Little gestures go a long way: Touch his face tenderly, spontaneously hug and kiss him while you are out, give him unsolicited massages or put love notes in his briefcase. Even reminiscing about wonderful times you have had together is romantic. As he enjoys these gestures, he will be moved to reply in kind.
If you open up to him, you will create instant intimacy. Try telling him something personal about yourself and your feelings, and ask him then to tell you something in return. This will bring you closer and also decrease his fears of romance. You could trade sexual fantasies, tell each other what you like in bed, or just reveal something that scares you or you have always dreamed of doing. Also, you might try dancing! This a great way to be romantic and intimate at the same time.
Give Him Positive Reinforcement
He wants to love you and feel close to you, but he needs to see that romancing you will further his goals. So after you tell him what to do, give him feedback. Tell him how much you liked it, what a turn-on it was, how much you appreciate his doing it and how you really hope he does it again soon — hopefully before next Valentine’s Day.
While it’s helpful to know how you want to be loved, try to be flexible too. Be willing to communicate to your partner what feels romantic to you, but don’t go so far as to dictate or micro-manage a romantic experience that your mate might be trying to provide for you.
It can be a bit of a balancing act. Follow the tips above, give information about what your preferences are, and invite yourself to appreciate the efforts that your partner is putting into loving you and making you feel special– in his unique way.
Receive the love that’s being offered to you…even if it comes in a slightly different “package” then you had in mind. This will open the door to even more romance to come.
Thanks for visiting and reading …
I hope you found this article helpful and empowering.
If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you move toward a more romantic relationship, I recommend Psychic Access.
All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.