How to Get Over Him

How to Get Over Him

 

 

A Step by Step Guide for Moving On

 

 

Being in a relationship is great. Loneliness rarely sets in because you always have someone to spend the day with or talk to when you need to vent. You experience new things with this person, like seeing plays, going to concerts, traveling, exploring new restaurants and shops, etc. You can also learn from this person by conversing and challenging each other to understand different ideas and philosophies.

Oh, and there’s sex! Who doesn’t love sex? So being in a relationship sounds great, and on paper, it is. However, in reality, relationships aren’t bulletproof. You’ll argue about trivial nonsense like where to eat, or what movie to watch. Relationships are complicated and stressful so failure is always a great possibility. Now, no one who is happy in their relationship would want it to end; unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. Like the famous saying goes, “All good things must eventually come to an end.”

Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship is always a tough thing to overcome, but you can make it easier on yourself by being proactive with these steps:

 

 

 

Accept the Truth

 

Honestly, there are many things that can act as a catalyst in ending a relationship: cheating, lack of communication, or just plain boredom. It doesn’t really matter where the relationship went wrong, and you’ll only drive yourself insane trying to rework the timeline attempting to pin down the exact moment in which everything fell apart.

Instead, take a deep breath and swallow the truth. That’s step number one: accepting that it’s over. This will be the hardest step for most people, as optimism naturally takes over when the relationship ends. You’ll try to get the person back, hanging onto the notion that there may be a chance he will take you back.

Let go. The quicker you accept the truth, the quicker you’ll get over him or her and start dating again.

 

 

Reflect on the Failed Relationship

According to Dr. Karen Weinstein, a psychologist from New York, you should look back at the relationship for everything it was: both the good and the bad. Don’t idealize it. Instead, make a list of the things about it that didn’t make you happy. You might find some reasons it’s better that you two went your separate ways.

A study from the journal, Social Psychological and Personality Science, also shows that thoughtful reflection about a relationship after it ends can help speed up the healing process — this isn’t wallowing, though. If you’re not in a place where you can think about your relationship clearly, that’s okay. Give it some time and then try again.

 

 

 

Image result for BFFs

Connect With Your Friends

The worst thing you can do after a relationship ends is become a recluse. You see it in the movies all the time (typically romantic comedies). The protagonist is lying in bed, sulking over their broken heart. Friends then burst into the room — usually throwing back the curtains to let light into the depressing, dark room — and finger through the protagonist’s filthy food scraps and unkempt belongings.

For the rest of us, we have to be the ones to instigate a “hang out” with our friends, because they have lives too. Also, when you tell someone to leave you alone in real life . . . they usually do. So be a big boy or girl and call a friend to spend time with you.

 

 

Talk it Out

Talking through the breakup with close friends can also be therapeutic. A study by Grace Larson of Northwestern University found that talking through how you feel now that you’re no longer in a relationship and revisiting key points of the breakup, such as when you thought it was going south and how it affected your view on romance, can help you regain your own identity and sense of self now that you’re no longer in a couple.

While talking it through, it may be helpful to consider your own story from a third-person perspective. In other words, put yourself in your friend’s (or someone else’s) shoes and describe it from their viewpoint. Research shows that this kind of distancing helps you reflect and gain insight from what you’ve experienced without falling into feeling sorry for yourself.


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Get Busy

This step ties into the second one. Make sure you find something to do. Let me clarify that this step is mostly for the times when you are alone. What I did was watch movies, play lots of video games, listen to my MP3 player, and read a bunch of books.

Of course, hanging out with a friend is a great way to take your mind off of the relationship and your ex, but they have lives too and can’t spend every waking minute consoling you. So, do anything as long as you’re not just sitting in your room browsing the Internet.

What you do doesn’t have to be something big, either. In fact, research indicates that even just doing something with the intention of it helping you could be effective. Journaling intentionally is one example of something small that can be really helpful.

I suggest getting yourself a beautiful new journalling notebook to inspire your new habit. 

Some Examples:

 

 

 

Learn Something New

Similar to the previous step, this step requires you to get up and do something. Where it differs though, is in what you are doing. Step three gets your mind off of your ex, but it allows you to do unproductive things for the sake of healing.

Step four is different in that you should do things considered “productive.” I took the time to write and to learn how to play piano. I also took up the hobby of paper crafting. So do something productive like writing, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, or taking up a hobby.

This is a crucial step of rebuilding your identity — one that doesn’t include your ex. It’s been shown that people who strongly identified themselves with their partners had a harder time getting over the relationship, so the more you can build a new you or rediscover old hobbies, or even rediscover what it’s like to do your old hobbies as a single person, the closer you’ll get to being happy without your ex.

 

 

Work Out

Exercising is good for your body as well as your mind. It has been proven to make you more focused and energized. Having focus and energy will help motivate you to do things like those listed in step four. Plus, if you are out of shape, then exercising will help you tone that body so when you are ready to get back to dating, you’ll be more confident about your physical appearance.

 

 

Take a Vacation if You Can

This step may not be possible for some of you. If money is tight, or if you’re young and don’t have a job, then this step may not be too useful. For those who can spare the cash, take a mini-vacation. You don’t have to fly off to Hawaii, Italy, or somewhere outlandish.

When a relationship ends, it’s hard to give complete, undivided attention to work and school. Sometimes you need to shake loose and enjoy life.

And if you’re having impulses to do something crazy — like dye your hair, get a tattoo, quit your job, and move to New Zealand — you’re better off waiting to do those things until you’re a little more stable and in control. A vacation could be a good way to feel a little impulsive without being totally out of control. You can try on a new identity later on down the line.

 

 

Cut Yourself Some Slack

Slightly different from going on vacation, this step encourages you to take a break from dating. A common mistake people make after being dumped is to date someone immediately after. That’s a no-no. Don’t make someone your rebound — that’s never nice.

Instead, take a break to reflect on yourself. Spend time working on bettering your life through your hobbies, your schooling, your career, or whatever else. Stay away from dating because there are too many things that can go wrong with that. You could annoyingly bring up your ex to your new partner, causing them to question your sanity and attraction to them. If your ex cheated on you, then you will most likely have trust issues with the new girlfriend or boyfriend (I’m guilty of this).

So just take a break. You don’t have to wait a whole year like I did before getting back into the dating scene, but at least give it a few months.

You might even be over them faster than you think. Most people overestimate how long it will take for them to get over their ex significant other, especially if they weren’t involved with the decision to end the relationship in the first place. So it might seem like things are never going to get better and that you’re never going to find someone else, but those thoughts simply aren’t true.

 

Recommended Reading:

The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing From a Breakup or Divorce

 

 

Embrace Change in Your Life

I should note here that these steps don’t have to be followed in any order, with the exception of the first step. In fact, these steps shouldn’t really be “steps” at all. You should continue doing all of them simultaneously or interchangeably until you have reached an emotional state you are satisfied with. That being said, I believe this final step is the MOST important step, hence why I saved it for last. It’s going to sound a bit harsh and a bit drastic, but I promise it is necessary.

The final thing you need to do is change your life. This can mean almost anything and will differ from person to person, but one thing should always be done. Get rid of your ex’s stuff. Throw away the pictures, videos, notes, presents, etc. or at least hide them away. You cannot completely move forward if you are clinging to the past.

 

 

Also, I’ve never met someone who was comfortable with their significant other having things from their previous relationships. It’s unhealthy and stubborn. Why would you want to hold onto memories of a failed relationship? I mean, sure, there were good moments in the relationship, but the very fact that it ended means that those good memories were outweighed by the bad. Like in the movie 500 Days of Summer, if you just stop focusing on all the good times from the relationship, you’ll remember all the bad ones.

 

 

Cut Him Out (Entirely!)

The next thing to do is get rid of your ex. Wait a minute, that makes no sense . . . I mean, we are already broken up, right? Wrong. In today’s Internet-driven age, most people never really get rid of their ex. They keep them as friends on various social media platforms.

This usually happens because both parties agree to “still be friends.” Don’t do this! Get rid of him or her. You will only hurt yourself by pretending that you can still be friends. I know it sounds mean, but you’ll regret it when he gets a new girlfriend and floods his Facebook with pictures of them kissing and loving each other or bombards his “wall” with status updates about how awesome the new girl is (the alternative applies for guys as well).

 

 

Protect yourself. Stop worrying about him. If in the future you decide you can be friends, then go ahead (unless your new partner has an issue, which is entirely understandable), but during the healing process, it’s best to shut them out entirely.

Besides, one study showed that people who cyber-stalked their exes tended to have more negative feelings about them, missed them more, and in general felt worse about the breakup. Don’t do it! Removing them from your social networks will make it much harder to do.

 

 

Expand Your Social Circle, and Possibly Your Career

Also, if you are young and can afford to find a new part-time job, then do so. A nice change of scenery and routine will help cast the illusion that things are better. The effort to move forward in life and create major changes to your job and circle of friends will help motivate you to become the person you want to be.

 

Image result for expand your social circle

 

Building off of what I just said, you should also find new friends. Now hold on! Before you call bullshit and close your Internet browser, hear me out. If you have friends that are exclusively your friends, who will stick by YOU and not your ex, then keep them.

However, if you had mutual friends, then you might want to consider distancing yourself from them. After all, your friends won’t be courteous enough to plan out every “hang out” so that you and your ex aren’t invited to the same event. Not saying that they are bad friends, just that it is not their obligation to ensure this doesn’t happen. How awkward would that be to get invited to a party, movie, or some other event by one of your friends, only to run into your ex when you arrive? Remember, you can always find new friends. And the ones that can’t choose you over the ex are probably not worth being friends with anyway.

 

 

Final Thoughts

So there you go. Those are my tips on how to get over a long-term relationship. Once again, not all of these will work for everyone. You have to choose which ones feel most natural to you. Maybe you don’t want to get a new job, and that’s fine. Maybe you really do want to be left alone, and that’s okay too.

Just remember that all things heal in time. So, cheer up, because there really are plenty of fish in the sea. And I know it hurts now, but eventually you will look back at all of this and laugh.

Use this time as an opportunity to work on yourself. Make new friends, work on personal goals, and play some damn video games if you want! It takes work to be happy and to get over that long-term relationship, but when you finally do…you’ll wish it would happen again. No I’m just kidding! But honestly, at least you will be wiser from your experiences and you’ll know how to handle it if or when it happens again.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering.

If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you get over him,  I recommend Psychic Access.


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All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.

 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

How to Stop Being Manipulated

How to Stop Being Manipulated

 

 

Signs That You’re Being Psychologically Manipulated

 

Have you ever experienced it at the hands of someone close to you? What about with a spouse, colleague, a boss, a friend, or a family member? Sometimes you may even be controlled by a neighbor!

Control is a powerful word. It is a powerful force within the human race. It denotes a power to dictate, influence, maneuver, or direct.

If you look up the term “control,” it is synonymous with intimidating words including: sway, authority, jurisdiction, command, dominance, mastery, sovereignty, supremacy, or ascendancy. These words are certainly intimidating to say the least, especially if you feel you are being controlled by someone unnecessarily.

No one likes to be controlled. It usurps our ability to act using free will, experience the world as we see it, and choose our values, beliefs, and actions without interference. On the flip side, if control never existed the world would be a mess, our jobs would not be performed as well, our lives would be chaotic, and we would lose the order we are accustomed to. This kind of control makes sense. We need this kind of control in our daily lives.

The type of control in which your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are being manipulated by another person can steal every ounce of who you are. The manipulation is so overpowering that you can begin to suffer shame, guilt, negative self-talk, or lowered self-esteem – at no fault of your own. If you see a continual pattern of this behavior, you are in an unhealthy and one-sided relationship.

Feeling controlled by someone can be one of the worst feelings. We’re individuals with an agency toward self-motivation and freedom. Control “cramps” our ability to explore the world around us, develop and grow in our own ways, and experience our ability to make decisions and learn from them.

Control can dismantle relationships (personal and professional), destroy trust, and make others defensive and resentful toward the perpetrator of control. As we all can probably agree, control must be balanced with boundaries, respect, compassion, understanding, and patience. Wouldn’t you feel better if your boss, spouse, or parent would balance control with patience, boundaries, and respect? Without these things, control becomes bondage and abuse.

It often isn’t easy to point out the control, stand up to it, and say “no more.”

I’m of the firm belief that control is spiritual, as well. It is a power that dominates us far beyond logistics and intelligence. That’s why in domestic violence situations (or even employee-employer relationships) the victim struggles to do exactly what they (and others) know they should do. Fear of abandonment or standing up for oneself is often a key factor in these situations.

 

Why Do You Allow Yourself to Be Controlled?

 

Fear may be present related to one or more of the following:

  • Loss of friendship or camaraderie
  • Loss of opportunity or employment
  • Development of a complicated or inaccurate social status/reputation
  • Argument or confrontation
  • Temporary feelings of discomfort
  • Loss of essentials/basics for living

 

It’s important to be able to identify control and abuse. It can come to you in a sweet way, a dominant way, a bribing way, etc. Narcissism, sociopathy, borderline personality traits, selfishness, and entitlement can show up in many toxic relationships.

Emotional manipulators drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it—their behavior truly goes against reason, so why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?

The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally, and approach your interactions with them like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink if you prefer that analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts.

Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine, and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.

 

Recommended Reading: 

 

 

See the Signs –

Pay attention to signs of psychological manipulation: do any of these examples sound familiar?

 

Keeping track of you

Unfortunately, there are people who will try their hardest to keep “track of you.” What I mean by this is the person who keeps in contact with you (only to keep lines of communication open) for their own benefit. For example, Bob (a long-time colleague who never liked you) may try to text, email, or find you online or at other social media platforms to see how far you have gotten in your life. His interactions with you may be sporadic and he may not even attempt to contact you more than 1-3x a year. This kind of person may have an intent to use you or manipulate you. It’s important for me to add that they may even “cyber-stalk” you.

 

What to do: In situations such as this, I encourage you to be very careful when it comes to how much you let this person into your world. It’s okay to have boundaries. You can’t 100% trust a person who didn’t like you at first and now wants to connect.  Take baby steps or no steps at all. And that’s ok.

 

 

They befriend you only when it’s convenient for them

Have you known a person who treats you really poorly and doesn’t give you the vibe that they like you, but then one day they begin to smile with you, laugh with you, and embrace you? Be careful. It is true some people can grow more accustomed to you and begin to like you. I’ve had people in my life reject me one minute and then accept me the next because they realized they misjudged me. But there’s always that small group of people who are not misjudging you. They just don’t like you. And that isn’t necessarily your fault!

 

What to do: You can’t fully trust someone who switches from kind to mean; mean to kind. We all have mood swings but I’m not referring to mood swings here. Keep up firm boundaries and be careful with what you tell them. Keep your life private. Do you really need to be an open book?

 

 

They text/email/instant message you with multiple emoticons

This may sound immature and more common to adolescents, but not necessarily.  Emoticons can be a nice way to express your emotions and get a point across. However, there are others who will “abuse” the emoticons as a way to control how you see them and their interactions with you. For example, a heated conversation my be occurring with someone via Facebook and to “control” you the person may litter the entire message with smiley faces, winks, hearts, etc. It throws you off. It can be misleading.

 

What to do: Look beyond the emotional control. Don’t respond to the emoticons unless you feel ok doing so or unless you are well aware of their “game.” I encourage you to also stay away from arguments via social media. Messages have a high possibility of getting mixed or confused via social media. Texting back and forth about emotional topics is also not a good idea. Do it the mature way (i.e., face-to-face or phone).

 

 

They smile with you and interact positively but you get a negative vibe

Women can be very guilty of this as men typically don’t act this way. But if you are interacting with someone who smiles with you, has a positive tone of voice, has positive body language (i.e., leaning toward you, touching you, listening, etc) but you don’t buy it 100%, keep your eyes open. Keep in mind that you could also just be misjudging them, too.

 

What to do: If you sense that someone isn’t being 100% honest with you or may be trying to deceive you, tread lightly. Don’t get caught up in what you hope happens. Be wise in what you share with them about your life and keep firm boundaries until you feel you are able to trust them. Also question why you suspect the person isn’t being honest with you. Are you envious or angry with the person? Do you struggle with trust? Has this person wronged you in the past?

 

 

They loan you something or put you in “charge” but then micromanage you

This is tough. The person may let you borrow some material possession, or money, or put you “in charge” of something and then give you absolutely no space. You’ll want to question if there is a foundation of trust and respect within the relationship.

 

What to do: If you feel the person isn’t trusting you, willing to let you borrow things, or seems as if they don’t care about your feelings, question the relationship. Consider why the person is this way and ask yourself if bringing up your feelings is going to help anything at all. Some people simply don’t trust you and have a need for control. If you feel uneasy with this, bring it up and explain – without being argumentative – that you don’t appreciate their attempts at controlling you.

 

 

You are being monitored like a child

Some people “monitor” those they love and care about for reasons that may be justifiable. In a loving relationship, for example, a husband may monitor his wife when she leaves the house to go shopping. He may call or text her to know of her whereabouts because he cares. However, if someone attempts to control where you are, how long you are away, and what you’re doing to a point where you feel suffocated, demeaned, or humiliated, you’ve got a problem you shouldn’t ignore.

 

What to do: Talk to the person about how they are making you feel and avoid being judgmental, angry, or frustrated when discussing it. The last thing you want to do is ignite a fire unnecessarily. Be calm and express how you feel. If you continue to see a pattern of this behavior, consider whether the relationship is worth it and if you’re likely to experience more controlling behaviors by the person in the future.

 

 

You are micromanaged or “given” an identity

No one likes to be micromanaged because the act itself can imply that you are not capable. However, the truth of micromanagement is that the person who is doing it is only doing it because they have anxiety, insecurities, or a need for control. Micromanagement doesn’t always have something to do with you. Even so, micro-managers are frustrating to say the least. What about people who push their interests onto you in hopes of “transforming” you?

 

What to do: Make it clear that you do not appreciate being micromanaged. You can do this in a variety of ways such as being subliminal (i.e., taking control without permission, answering the micro-manager in a way that displays your ability to take care of your responsibilities, staying on top of your responsibilities, etc). Once micro-managers see that you are in control and not them, they will (in some cases) back off. When it comes to your identity, just be who you are.

 

 

You are bombarded with expectations, rules, or wants by the controller

I have experienced this in multiple cases throughout my life and I can honestly say, this can feel like the worst type of control. Any encounter with this type of person can feel like a job. You also may feel let down time and time again by this person because all of your encounters are negative due to their need to control you in some way. For example, a person like this may see you shopping and instead of coming over to you to talk or say hi, they come over to you with a judgmental attitude, a barrage of questions, or may even ask you for a favor.

 

What to do: Avoid them until you are ready (or strong enough) to take their controlling behavior without getting angry. If you get angry or show any signs of anger, the controller will only flip things on you and blame you. Distance yourself little by little until you feel you are gaining better self-control. Minimize the person’s expectations, rules, or wants and keep in mind that you are only human. Do what you can but avoid feeling responsible for pleasing them. That’s not your job. And if you feel you need to “please” them, consider whether or not the relationship is healthy and worth it.

 

 

Staunch religious or moral/ethical standards are used to guilt-trip you

It is a wonderful thing to see God in operation in your life. It is great to desire God’s principles, values, truths, and desires in your life. But a person who uses these virtues against you to make you feel bad is attempting to control you. A true and loving God would never guilt-trip you. The God I know is steadfast in His precepts but never condescending or harmful.

 

What to do: Keep the truth in the forefront of your mind. Don’t let this type of person guilt-trip you. Now, there is a thing called a “conscience” and if you are feeling guilty about something own that and move on. It’s the only way to grow. But if you have nothing to be guilty about, don’t let this person guilt-trip you.

 

 

Final Thoughts

Once you’ve identified a manipulator, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when and where you don’t.

You can establish boundaries, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos.

The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to cross them, which they will. Remember: nobody can manipulate you without your consent and cooperation.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering. 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

-Laurie

 

Recommended Reading:

Narcissists Exposed: 75 Things Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know by Drew Keys. Read reviews.

 

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Are You Dating a Narcissist?

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

 

 

 

Don’t Ignore the Red Flags!

Image result for red flags

 

People are drawn to narcissists because they can be charming and charismatic. In fact, one study showed that their likable veneer was only penetrable after seven meetings. 

Many people find that courtship with their narcissistic partner was wonderful, but abuse soon followed.  With greater insight, however, most people would probably admit that there were signs that were overlooked.

 

 

 

Check Your Blind Spots

 

There are unconscious explanations why you might attracted to a narcissist. Here are some reasons why you might not recognize a narcissist:

 

Image result for love is blind

 

Sexual attraction

The greater the physical attraction and sexual intensity, the easier it is to ignore red flags. Individuals who can see auras maintain that sexual energy literally obfuscates mental and emotional energy — why lust is blind.

 

Seduction

Narcissists are skilled manipulators. Some can be quite seductive, and not just sexually. They may be adept listeners and communicators or allure you with, flattery, self-disclosure, and vulnerability — just the opposite of what you might expect from a narcissist.

 

Idealization

Often narcissists are very accomplished, successful, good-looking, powerful, and/or multi-talented. It’s easy to idealize them and want to share in the benefits of their exceptionalism, especially if you feel inferior. People with low self-esteem, such as codependents, are more likely to idealize someone they admire. They may be drawn to typical narcissistic traits that they themselves lack, such as power and boldness. The downside is that idealization makes us ignore contrary information.

 

Familiarity

If you had a narcissistic parent, being with a narcissist will feel familiar — like family. This attraction happens beneath consciousness and is often referred to as “chemistry.” With personal therapy, this attraction can change so that you easily spot someone who is abusive or self-centered. You might even be repelled instead of attracted to a narcissist.

 

Codependency

If you have low self-esteem or are codependent, you may be unaware of your feelings, which can guide you. You may not feel entitled to respect and having your needs and wants met. Most codependents tend to accommodate and people-please other people — a perfect fit for a narcissist. This predisposition is stronger in early dating when you’re trying to make a good impression. Thus, you might overlook or rationalize feelings of discomfort and anxiety that signal trouble. If something does bother you, you won’t speak up about it and try to forget it.

 

 

Watch For the Red Flags

 

Self Centeredness

For narcissists, the world revolves around them. Other people are only two-dimensional, meaning that narcissists can’t empathize. They’re in their own reality and see you as an extension of themselves to satisfy their needs and wants.

When you talk to your date, is he or she interested in getting to know you, or talk only about themselves? Amazingly, some people do, as if their listener doesn’t exist. This is a tell-tale sign that you will feel invisible in the relationship. If you felt invisible in your family, you might take this for granted. You could possibly feel validated by the attention you give as a good listener. Beware that this pattern will likely continue.

As mentioned above, some narcissists are skilled communicators and will appear fascinated by you, even mirror your interests to make you like them. They may be good at short-term intimacy and make you feel like a king or queen; but eventually, they don’t keep up that act. You’ll discover that their motive is to get what they want; for example, sex, but that they’re not interested in getting to know more about you, your family, problems, or successes.

Be aware of other signs of lack of consideration: walking far ahead of you, making you track them down for a return phone call, arriving late, disregarding your boundaries and needs, or interrupting conversations to take calls from other people.

 

Arrogance

Narcissists feel superior to other people, and can be rude or abusive when don’t get what they want. This is revealed in their behavior and how they talk about themselves and others.

Is your date a fault-finder who criticizes or blames others, the opposite sex, or an ex? One day he or she may be bashing you. When you go out, notice how he or she treats waitresses, car hops, and vendors. Does he or she show other people respect, or act superior to other certain groups, such as minorities, immigrants, or people of less means or education?

Narcissists like to be associated with high-status people and institutions. They think they’re the best and want to surround themselves with the best. This is due to insecurity. Does your date think only his or her school is the best, and require the best car, the best table at the best restaurant, the finest wines, and wear expensive labels, or name drop public figures they know? This may impress you, but will later depress you when you feel ignored or like a prop in their life.

 

A Sense of Entitlement

This trait is a give-away. It reveals how narcissists think that they’re the center of the universe. They not only believe they’re special and superior to others, but also that they deserve special treatment and that rules don’t apply to them.

Does your date refuse to turn off  his or her cell phone at the movies, expect others to do favors, cut in line, steal things like tableware, airline blankets, or hotel ashtrays, or insist on special treatment from the parking attendant, restaurant maitre d’, or waiter? If you’re a woman, does he expect you to drive to his neighborhood? A relationship with this person will be painfully one-sided, not a two-way street.

Narcissists are only interested in getting what they want and making the relationship work for them.

 

Bragging

Although because narcissists want to believe they’re superior and the best, they’re actually insecure. Hence, they need constant validation, appreciation, and recognition.

They seek this by bragging about themselves and their accomplishments. They may even lie or exaggerate. People who brag are trying to convince themselves and you of their greatness.

 

 

Control and Manipulation

Narcissists put their needs first. They may manipulate you with flattery, belittling, or threats. Their lack empathy may show when planning a date. Time and place might be a difficult negotiation or on their terms, especially if they sense that you’re interested in them.

Initially, they may want to please you to win you over, but once they’ve made their “catch,” they want to please themselves. It’s the chase, not the catch that motivates them. Once they’re victorious, they can lose interest, and move on to the next conquest before it gets too emotionally intimate. If not, they’ll be emotionally unavailable and keep you at a distance, because they’re afraid if you get too close, you won’t like what you see.

 

 

Final Thoughts

Listen to what your dates say about themselves and past relationships. Do they take responsibility or blame other people? Pay attention if they admit to serious shortcomings, commitment issues, infidelity, criminality, addiction, or abuse. Equally important, notice if you feel anxious or uncomfortable, pressured, controlled, ignored, or belittled.

Find out about narcissistic relationships, why narcissists are codependent, and why they’re drawn to codependents and vice versa. In recovering from codependency, you’ll build self-esteem, your estimation of your worth will rise, and you’ll expect to be considered, listened to, and treated well. You’ll convey an expectation of respect by maintaining healthy boundaries, by being assertive about your opinions, feelings, needs, and wants, rather than people-pleasing.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering. 

If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you move toward a happier life,  I recommend Psychic Access.

All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.

 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

-Laurie

 

Recommended Reading:

Narcissists Exposed: 75 Things Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know by Drew Keys. Read reviews.

 

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