Is Your Guy Still Into His Ex?

Is His Ex Ruining Your Relationship?

 

 

Don’t Allow Yourself to be Second in Love

 

Even though he is not legally married, doesn’t mean he’s not still emotionally married….

Some men have a very difficult time emotionally letting go of an ex-wife, especially when the divorce was not their decision. Add children to the mix, and dating a guy like this will make you feel like a constant loosening third wheel. Yikes!

 

You would think that if a marriage ended due to:

  • His wife cheating
  • His wife having a full on affair
  • His wife leaving him for another man
  • His wife completely falling out of love with him
  • His wife having zero respect for him—and clearly demonstrating this

…that he would not only want to move on emotionally, but also have very little to do with her. Unless, of course, they have children, and if so, keeping the communication strictly about the kids.

Although that might sound great in theory, there are men who are either too ego driven—not accepting their fault in the divorce, too insecure with themselves—to believe they deserve better, or a combination of both.

 

 

Your Man’s Ego – Is it a Problem?

The ego of a man (and frankly the competitiveness) will convince him that he still wants a woman who has left him, even if he didn’t try hard enough to keep (or value) her when he had the chance. Once she “causes” the demise of her marriage—cheating—or leaving him, his ego will set in and determine that he still wants her. His ego will convince him to do anything to win her back. What he fails to realize is that most women, when they emotionally move on—due to lack of feeling secure—are hard to obtain again.

Often, when a woman decides to have an affair—emotional or physical—it is because she is not feeling emotionally secure, financially secure or supported by her husband anymore. Once this break-down has happened, winning her back is not always an option. However, the ego will convince him to try even if it’s not about honestly wanting to keep her.

There are men who cannot accept a woman being the one to end things. So when she does, it is a huge bruise to their ego, making it their mission to get back together with her just so that he can be the one to officially end things. Of course this will usually tend to backfire in his face. And if you are dating or in a relationship with a guy like this, it will make you feel like you are never good enough since he is always thinking and talking about his Ex.

 

 

Is Your Man Insecure?

Many insecure men cannot deal with the fact that a woman has ended the relationship because they did something wrong. When this happens, they will seek forgiveness in the form of being a doormat for their Ex. Men like this will also look for things they are doing wrong or “think” you’re unhappy with—assuming they will never be good enough for you since, they weren’t good enough for their Ex.

Even if he emotionally pushed her towards the decision to get divorced by his actions (or lack of), taking ownership for his part is just as hard for an ego driven man as it is for a guy who has insecurity issues. Denial is an immature way of dealing with any problem, however so many men are guilty of this.

The man’s denial can also cause him to be subconsciously emotionally invested in his ex-wife—who no longer wants him. And if he’s in denial, how can he be expected to move forward with a new love? If your man is not dealing with his issues of insecurity over the failure of his previous relationship, it will  likely end up being a relationship killer for the two of you.

It might be hard to determine if your man is insecure; men who are insecure don’t always acknowledge their faults in the demise of a relationship. Instead they will focus on what their ex-wife did—cheating or leaving—in order to make themselves feel better.

If he’s not being honest with himself about what he did to push her away, he will continue to be emotionally connected to his ex-wife.  He will always be concerned about upsetting her and will work to please and appease her. Until your man can own up to his mistakes and forgive himself, he will remain tied to her.

 

 

Tell-tale Signs That Your Guy is Still Emotionally Stuck On His Ex:

 

  • If you and his Ex are both in need of his support—he will choose her over you
  • If he has kids, he won’t (or hardly) ever switch custody days with his Ex—for anything important having to do with you.
  • He reminds you (frequently) that she is the mother of his children and will always be in his life (duh)—but that should not mean she trumps you!
  • He will gladly let his Ex switch her custody days whenever she feels like it.
  • He will leave work early to pick up the kids for his ex-wife on her days—but she will never reciprocate.
  • If she calls him upset, he will stress out until he can call her back.
  • He has zero backbone when she is around.
  • In her presence he will be wanting to get her attention like a lost puppy.
  • Even if she is in a relationship, living with a guy or remarried, he will still go out of his way to help her when she is sick, has surgery or is injured.
  • Her plans will always trump your plans that you have made together.

 

 

Final Thoughts

As woman we really (really) want to believe when a guy proclaims that he is over his Ex, that he actually is, especially if it’s been years since the divorce. Unfortunately, men like this can be convincing because they are in denial themselves.

Take a long hard look at your relationship. What are you getting out of this? Would you stay in a relationship if they were unfaithful with someone new? What’s the difference with them being in love with someone “old”?

You get to choose your experiences and it’s time to think about what you really want. Find someone who puts you first, not second place to a ghost.

Instead of being present for yourself, you are torturing yourself with your partner’s past and feeling inadequate. You need to accept that your partner’s past makes them who they are. The person you have fallen in love with is a product of their past influences. They are not the person they were in that relationship. Look at them closely. They don’t even look the same.

If you can, communicate your fears to your partner. Ask them to support you and reassure as you work through these feelings. If they are the person you are supposed to be with, the feelings will fade as your relationship becomes more real and established.

Most men don’t want to admit that they are still in-love, harboring feelings or care (to a high degree) about their Ex—and what their Ex thinks or feels about the them—when the reasons she finally left were due to falling out of love or cheating. He will think that by still harboring feelings for her, he is pathetic. Is it pathetic to admit these feelings? Or is it more cowardly to be in a relationship with another woman knowing you are secretly pining for validation or in need of an ego boost? Either scenario, being with a guy like this is a lose-lose situation for you.

Ladies, being with a man who has not sorted out his true feelings and emotions (other than some therapy) regarding his Ex means that you will live in the shadows of her. Until he is open and willing—and actually deals with his unresolved feelings—he can never be the man who can one-hundred percent give himself to you. You deserve to be with a man who is emotionally baggage free. Don’t allow yourself to come second in love.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering. 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

-Laurie

 

Recommended Reading:

What Men Won’t Tell You: Women’s Guide to Understanding Men

How to read their minds, what men want, why men cheat, why men won’t commit, why men lose interest, and how to avoid rejection from men.  By Ryan Thant.

What Men Won’t Tell You: Women’s Guide to Understanding Men (How to read their minds, what men want, why men cheat, why men won’t commit, why men lose interest, how to avoid rejection from men) by [Thant, Ryan]
Read Reviews

 

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How to Make Your Man More Romantic

How to Make Your Man More Romantic

 

 

Sick of pining for a really romantic holiday because your guy just doesn’t get it? You are not alone. Many women long for romance but are with men who just doesn’t have a clue how to be romantic.

The thought of romance may trigger sadness and regret at the kind of relationship you’d like to have, but don’t. It may cause you to feel nostalgic for earlier times in your relationship when your partner swept you off your feet, but that doesn’t happen anymore.

If it seems to you that there is no romance in your love relationship or marriage, this could be a cause of bitterness within you and conflict between you and your mate.

 

Romance is Subjective

Men and women certainly have differing definitions about what is sexy or romantic. Generally speaking, women’s sexual fantasies tend to be filled with more romantic interludes then do men’s. Many women find a candlelit bubble bath or spontaneous picnic at dusk to be a great way to get in the mood sexually, as well as a way to express and share their love. This desire for romance begins in girlhood when young women are entranced by the promise of Prince Charming coming to life.

For boys (and later, men), their sexual fantasies tend to focus more directly on sex without all those romantic frills. So it’s not that he loves you less than you love him; it may just be that his expression of love excludes that prelude of chocolate and roses. Another point to consider: Some men have a harder time expressing their deeper emotional feelings, and fear feeling vulnerable if they do.

So now you know why trying to get romance out of your guy is like trying to get blood from a stone. But this doesn’t mean you are stuck with that.

Most women in this situation never say anything to their guy about their need for romance. They figure it won’t help, or they are afraid of expressing their desire for romance, or they fear being rejected or embarrassed in some way.

Also, some women think that romance is only “valid” if it’s a surprise or if it arrives from him without prompting, and if they have to ask for the attention, then the romance is destroyed. All of these excuses prevent you from improving the situation, and they leave him digging himself a deeper and deeper hole.

 

 

Teaching Your Man About Romance

 

 

Romance, Like Most Things, Can be Taught

We ALL learn things by someone telling us how it works, why it works, showing us how they do it and then offering positive reinforcement for doing it ourselves.

Here are some steps you can take to make romance bloom more easily between the two of you:

 

 

Spell It Out

He isn’t a mind reader, so he may not even know what you find romantic! If you just say “do something romantic,” he may feel overwhelmed or insecure and end up doing nothing. Or you could wind up with beer and pretzels, watching football on TV. Be specific — for example, say to him: “It would be really romantic if we could have strawberries and champagne by candlelight while I’m in some pretty new robe that you get me.”

 

Drop Gift Hints

When it comes to presents, it is still very reasonable to tell him what you want (“I think a bracelet would be so romantic. I just love turquoise stones, don’t you?”). If you can’t bear to do that, try putting a little note on his pillow that says: “I really love surprises but am kind of hoping for some earrings this year.” If you trust a girlfriend enough, ask her to call him and tell him what you have been pining for.

Ask for simple things: Don’t ask for expensive gifts or items that are hard to size. And if you have children, don’t bring them into it, because they might end up feeling responsible for your romantic happiness — which is not a good place to be.

 

Recommended Reading: 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men
Be a Role Model

Romance is a two-way street. Be romantic yourself all year long if you want him to be, too. Little gestures go a long way: Touch his face tenderly, spontaneously hug and kiss him while you are out, give him unsolicited massages or put love notes in his briefcase. Even reminiscing about wonderful times you have had together is romantic. As he enjoys these gestures, he will be moved to reply in kind.

 

Be Revealing

If you open up to him, you will create instant intimacy. Try telling him something personal about yourself and your feelings, and ask him then to tell you something in return. This will bring you closer and also decrease his fears of romance. You could trade sexual fantasies, tell each other what you like in bed, or just reveal something that scares you or you have always dreamed of doing. Also, you might try dancing! This a great way to be romantic and intimate at the same time.

 

Give Him Positive Reinforcement

He wants to love you and feel close to you, but he needs to see that romancing you will further his goals. So after you tell him what to do, give him feedback. Tell him how much you liked it, what a turn-on it was, how much you appreciate his doing it and how you really hope he does it again soon — hopefully before next Valentine’s Day.

 

 

Final Thoughts

While it’s helpful to know how you want to be loved, try to be flexible too. Be willing to communicate to your partner what feels romantic to you, but don’t go so far as to dictate or micro-manage a romantic experience that your mate might be trying to provide for you.

It can be a bit of a balancing act. Follow the tips above, give information about what your preferences are,  and invite yourself to appreciate the efforts that your partner is putting into loving you and making you feel special– in his unique way.

Receive the love that’s being offered to you…even if it comes in a slightly different “package” then you had in mind. This will open the door to even more romance to come.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering.

If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you move toward a more romantic relationship,  I recommend Psychic Access.


Get A FREE Reading Now!

 

All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.

 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

 

 

 

Don’t Ignore the Red Flags!

Image result for red flags

 

People are drawn to narcissists because they can be charming and charismatic. In fact, one study showed that their likable veneer was only penetrable after seven meetings. 

Many people find that courtship with their narcissistic partner was wonderful, but abuse soon followed.  With greater insight, however, most people would probably admit that there were signs that were overlooked.

 

 

 

Check Your Blind Spots

 

There are unconscious explanations why you might attracted to a narcissist. Here are some reasons why you might not recognize a narcissist:

 

Image result for love is blind

 

Sexual attraction

The greater the physical attraction and sexual intensity, the easier it is to ignore red flags. Individuals who can see auras maintain that sexual energy literally obfuscates mental and emotional energy — why lust is blind.

 

Seduction

Narcissists are skilled manipulators. Some can be quite seductive, and not just sexually. They may be adept listeners and communicators or allure you with, flattery, self-disclosure, and vulnerability — just the opposite of what you might expect from a narcissist.

 

Idealization

Often narcissists are very accomplished, successful, good-looking, powerful, and/or multi-talented. It’s easy to idealize them and want to share in the benefits of their exceptionalism, especially if you feel inferior. People with low self-esteem, such as codependents, are more likely to idealize someone they admire. They may be drawn to typical narcissistic traits that they themselves lack, such as power and boldness. The downside is that idealization makes us ignore contrary information.

 

Familiarity

If you had a narcissistic parent, being with a narcissist will feel familiar — like family. This attraction happens beneath consciousness and is often referred to as “chemistry.” With personal therapy, this attraction can change so that you easily spot someone who is abusive or self-centered. You might even be repelled instead of attracted to a narcissist.

 

Codependency

If you have low self-esteem or are codependent, you may be unaware of your feelings, which can guide you. You may not feel entitled to respect and having your needs and wants met. Most codependents tend to accommodate and people-please other people — a perfect fit for a narcissist. This predisposition is stronger in early dating when you’re trying to make a good impression. Thus, you might overlook or rationalize feelings of discomfort and anxiety that signal trouble. If something does bother you, you won’t speak up about it and try to forget it.

 

 

Watch For the Red Flags

 

Self Centeredness

For narcissists, the world revolves around them. Other people are only two-dimensional, meaning that narcissists can’t empathize. They’re in their own reality and see you as an extension of themselves to satisfy their needs and wants.

When you talk to your date, is he or she interested in getting to know you, or talk only about themselves? Amazingly, some people do, as if their listener doesn’t exist. This is a tell-tale sign that you will feel invisible in the relationship. If you felt invisible in your family, you might take this for granted. You could possibly feel validated by the attention you give as a good listener. Beware that this pattern will likely continue.

As mentioned above, some narcissists are skilled communicators and will appear fascinated by you, even mirror your interests to make you like them. They may be good at short-term intimacy and make you feel like a king or queen; but eventually, they don’t keep up that act. You’ll discover that their motive is to get what they want; for example, sex, but that they’re not interested in getting to know more about you, your family, problems, or successes.

Be aware of other signs of lack of consideration: walking far ahead of you, making you track them down for a return phone call, arriving late, disregarding your boundaries and needs, or interrupting conversations to take calls from other people.

 

Arrogance

Narcissists feel superior to other people, and can be rude or abusive when don’t get what they want. This is revealed in their behavior and how they talk about themselves and others.

Is your date a fault-finder who criticizes or blames others, the opposite sex, or an ex? One day he or she may be bashing you. When you go out, notice how he or she treats waitresses, car hops, and vendors. Does he or she show other people respect, or act superior to other certain groups, such as minorities, immigrants, or people of less means or education?

Narcissists like to be associated with high-status people and institutions. They think they’re the best and want to surround themselves with the best. This is due to insecurity. Does your date think only his or her school is the best, and require the best car, the best table at the best restaurant, the finest wines, and wear expensive labels, or name drop public figures they know? This may impress you, but will later depress you when you feel ignored or like a prop in their life.

 

A Sense of Entitlement

This trait is a give-away. It reveals how narcissists think that they’re the center of the universe. They not only believe they’re special and superior to others, but also that they deserve special treatment and that rules don’t apply to them.

Does your date refuse to turn off  his or her cell phone at the movies, expect others to do favors, cut in line, steal things like tableware, airline blankets, or hotel ashtrays, or insist on special treatment from the parking attendant, restaurant maitre d’, or waiter? If you’re a woman, does he expect you to drive to his neighborhood? A relationship with this person will be painfully one-sided, not a two-way street.

Narcissists are only interested in getting what they want and making the relationship work for them.

 

Bragging

Although because narcissists want to believe they’re superior and the best, they’re actually insecure. Hence, they need constant validation, appreciation, and recognition.

They seek this by bragging about themselves and their accomplishments. They may even lie or exaggerate. People who brag are trying to convince themselves and you of their greatness.

 

 

Control and Manipulation

Narcissists put their needs first. They may manipulate you with flattery, belittling, or threats. Their lack empathy may show when planning a date. Time and place might be a difficult negotiation or on their terms, especially if they sense that you’re interested in them.

Initially, they may want to please you to win you over, but once they’ve made their “catch,” they want to please themselves. It’s the chase, not the catch that motivates them. Once they’re victorious, they can lose interest, and move on to the next conquest before it gets too emotionally intimate. If not, they’ll be emotionally unavailable and keep you at a distance, because they’re afraid if you get too close, you won’t like what you see.

 

 

Final Thoughts

Listen to what your dates say about themselves and past relationships. Do they take responsibility or blame other people? Pay attention if they admit to serious shortcomings, commitment issues, infidelity, criminality, addiction, or abuse. Equally important, notice if you feel anxious or uncomfortable, pressured, controlled, ignored, or belittled.

Find out about narcissistic relationships, why narcissists are codependent, and why they’re drawn to codependents and vice versa. In recovering from codependency, you’ll build self-esteem, your estimation of your worth will rise, and you’ll expect to be considered, listened to, and treated well. You’ll convey an expectation of respect by maintaining healthy boundaries, by being assertive about your opinions, feelings, needs, and wants, rather than people-pleasing.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering. 

If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you move toward a happier life,  I recommend Psychic Access.

All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.

 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

-Laurie

 

Recommended Reading:

Narcissists Exposed: 75 Things Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know by Drew Keys. Read reviews.

 

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Over 40 and Looking for Love

Over 40 and Looking for Love?

 

 

Drop the Excuses to Find the  Wonderful Relationship You Deserve

 

If you are a single woman over 40, you have a love history. You’ve been in relationships before and you may want one now, but for whatever reason you haven’t found the right person yet.

Maybe you’re divorced and frustrated with dating or haven’t ventured back out to the dating pool. You could be a widow and unsure of ever finding another man like your husband. Perhaps you were in a live-in or long-term relationship that ended, so you’re single again.

Finding love the second time around (or even the first) is not easy. Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. So what’s the problem?

This might seem harsh, but you are likely telling yourself several lies about love after 40 that are hurting you. These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking.

You might have limiting ideas about dating, love and men, and it’s time to them turn things around. If you expose and transform those beliefs, opportunities will be created for you to find love again!

 

 

Limiting Beliefs: Are These Lies Stuck in Your Head?

 

All The Good Men Are Taken

This belief is very common.  However, thinking about this statistically, there just has to be good single men available since half the adult population in the U.S. is single.

Men get divorced for the same reason women do; they grew apart from their wives, their wives cheated or circumstances just changed. Some men had their heart broken earlier in life and are just recovering and ready now. There are lots of reasons why good men are single and looking for a woman like you.

The fact is that now, more than any other time in history, there are a lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are single and looking for love. So don’t believe that there are no good men out there!

 

I’ve Already Had My One Shot at Love

Widows often believe this, particularly if they had a wonderful relationship with their husbands. They come away thinking that they will never find such a good man again. But this is exactly the reason why it is possible; if you found great love once, you can certainly do it again. You have the track record for success. Consider your circumstances differently and recognize that you are a magnet for love, since your energy is filled with loving thoughts from your past.

 

Looking For Love is Too Much Work

Dating is tough and you may reach a point when you feel that it is too exhausting and too much effort. But that feeling is just a symptom of your belief that you don’t think it’s possible to find love.

On the other hand, if you really believe that you will find love, then you know every man you meet brings you one step closer to finding the right man for you. Remind yourself that you are on the path to find love and nothing was going to get in your way.  Dating is a process. Be in it to win to find the love you deserve.

 

I’m Picky About Looks

If you feel this way, you will surely be single for a long time! After 40, the chances of Mr. Right knocking on your door are zero. You are going to have to get off the couch and do your part to cross paths with lots of men.

Image result for looking for romance

Dating is a numbers game so the more men you meet, the better your chances for finding the love you want. Will every man you meet be perfect? Of course not! Most of the men you meet will not be right. But you don’t need them to be because you only need one.

In addition, no man is perfect (and neither are you). The perfect man does not exist; he is a myth and a fairy tale. However, there is a man who is the right one for you.

Get over this idea of perfection or you will stay single.

 

You Compare Men to Your BFFs

Seriously? How could a man ever compare to your girlfriends?

Men are not like women! They are dramatically different. We are not brought up the same, we have different innate skill sets and our brains are wired differently. We may be equals, but that does not make us the same.

Expecting a man to be like your girlfriends means he is bound to fail. Most men will never be as thoughtful or have the same depth of understanding as your girlfriends. That doesn’t mean, however, that men don’t have their own amazing contribution to make to your life. The right man expands and enhances your life in ways your girlfriends never will. My advice is to let go of this idea, because it will prevent you from finding the love you want.

 

You Don’t Trust Men

Women who have been burned by a man (or know people who have) tend to believe this, which is understandable.

Consider whether it can really be true that all men are like this. Mathematically, it is just not possible. There are definitely men who do not cheat, lie or refuse to settle down. Many women have found a fabulous, moral guy, who is not like that.

When you believe that all men are terrible, you will look for evidence that your viewpoint is correct. If you believe men are wonderful, you will see examples to support that.

Start looking for examples of quality men and you will notice that they are all around you.

 

 

 

There Aren’t Any Interesting Men (You Can’t be Serious!)

If you haven’t met any interesting men, then you aren’t out there actually meeting men!  Also, many women find nice men to be boring and bad boys to be interesting. Yes, a bad boy’s unpredictable and aloof personality does make him intriguing and you want to unravel the mystery. He becomes a challenge for you to win over. However, a bad boy won’t change his stripes for you and won’t be good relationship material. If you insist on dating bad boys, count on heartbreak and torturous love affairs that do not satisfy.

 

There Aren’t Any Single Men Around

This is similar to the lie that all the good men are taken but with a local spin. Granted, some areas do have more married than single people. But overall, 50% of adult Americans are not hitched, so they must live near you, too.  Your pessimism may have diminished your ability to notice men.

 

Men Don’t Really Want to Be in a Relationship

Let’s refer to the lie about all men being liars, cheaters and players; obviously, generalizations don’t hold much water. While not all men want a long-term relationship, there are certainly some who do.

If you want love, you need to do your part to meet plenty of men and screen them. One way to know if a man is serious about finding love is the way he talks about his life and dating. For example, if the guy you meet mentions moving or how much he loves women, he’s probably not ready settle down. If he says he’s tired of dating, he might be more serious about finding love.

There are definitely men out there who would be thrilled to fall in love with you, but you need to do your part.

 

I Don’t Have Time to Date

This is something women tell themselves constantly. Yes, you are busy. But you make time for what you decide is important.

To find love, you’ll need to make it a priority. Carve time out of your calendar at least once a week to meet new people. If you cannot do that, you don’t really want to find love.

You need to create the space in your schedule to find the love you want. If you say you just don’t have it, I understand. But you also need to admit that love is not a priority for you. There is no shame in that because finding love takes effort and requires a strong desire to take the necessary steps.

 

Get Some Insight

If you’re open to the idea, one of the most important things a psychic can do is help you learn more about yourself, which in turn, will help you be better prepared to look for a mate. Psychics can actually help reveal qualities that you didn’t even know you possessed.

A good psychic can also help you discover what traits in a prospective lover are most important to you, including characteristics that perhaps you never thought about. She can tell you which personality traits will complement your own, and what type of companion will best serve as your other half.

I recommend Psychic Access, because the psychics are all verified and tested, and you can experience a free reading to try it out.

 

 

Final Thoughts

Finding love over 40 can be challenging.  But with an optimistic, proactive attitude on your part, it’s certainly doable – women over 40 are finding successful relationships every day. You can do this!

 

Recommended Reading:

Attract Love at Any Age: The Ultimate Dating Guide for Single Women After 40 by Marlene Wagner. Read reviews.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope this article provided you some helpful ideas and a plan to find the love you deserve (whatever age you are!).

I welcome your comments below.

-Laurie

 

 

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