How to Get Over Him

How to Get Over Him

 

 

A Step by Step Guide for Moving On

 

 

Being in a relationship is great. Loneliness rarely sets in because you always have someone to spend the day with or talk to when you need to vent. You experience new things with this person, like seeing plays, going to concerts, traveling, exploring new restaurants and shops, etc. You can also learn from this person by conversing and challenging each other to understand different ideas and philosophies.

Oh, and there’s sex! Who doesn’t love sex? So being in a relationship sounds great, and on paper, it is. However, in reality, relationships aren’t bulletproof. You’ll argue about trivial nonsense like where to eat, or what movie to watch. Relationships are complicated and stressful so failure is always a great possibility. Now, no one who is happy in their relationship would want it to end; unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. Like the famous saying goes, “All good things must eventually come to an end.”

Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship is always a tough thing to overcome, but you can make it easier on yourself by being proactive with these steps:

 

 

 

Accept the Truth

 

Honestly, there are many things that can act as a catalyst in ending a relationship: cheating, lack of communication, or just plain boredom. It doesn’t really matter where the relationship went wrong, and you’ll only drive yourself insane trying to rework the timeline attempting to pin down the exact moment in which everything fell apart.

Instead, take a deep breath and swallow the truth. That’s step number one: accepting that it’s over. This will be the hardest step for most people, as optimism naturally takes over when the relationship ends. You’ll try to get the person back, hanging onto the notion that there may be a chance he will take you back.

Let go. The quicker you accept the truth, the quicker you’ll get over him or her and start dating again.

 

 

Reflect on the Failed Relationship

According to Dr. Karen Weinstein, a psychologist from New York, you should look back at the relationship for everything it was: both the good and the bad. Don’t idealize it. Instead, make a list of the things about it that didn’t make you happy. You might find some reasons it’s better that you two went your separate ways.

A study from the journal, Social Psychological and Personality Science, also shows that thoughtful reflection about a relationship after it ends can help speed up the healing process — this isn’t wallowing, though. If you’re not in a place where you can think about your relationship clearly, that’s okay. Give it some time and then try again.

 

 

 

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Connect With Your Friends

The worst thing you can do after a relationship ends is become a recluse. You see it in the movies all the time (typically romantic comedies). The protagonist is lying in bed, sulking over their broken heart. Friends then burst into the room — usually throwing back the curtains to let light into the depressing, dark room — and finger through the protagonist’s filthy food scraps and unkempt belongings.

For the rest of us, we have to be the ones to instigate a “hang out” with our friends, because they have lives too. Also, when you tell someone to leave you alone in real life . . . they usually do. So be a big boy or girl and call a friend to spend time with you.

 

 

Talk it Out

Talking through the breakup with close friends can also be therapeutic. A study by Grace Larson of Northwestern University found that talking through how you feel now that you’re no longer in a relationship and revisiting key points of the breakup, such as when you thought it was going south and how it affected your view on romance, can help you regain your own identity and sense of self now that you’re no longer in a couple.

While talking it through, it may be helpful to consider your own story from a third-person perspective. In other words, put yourself in your friend’s (or someone else’s) shoes and describe it from their viewpoint. Research shows that this kind of distancing helps you reflect and gain insight from what you’ve experienced without falling into feeling sorry for yourself.


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Get Busy

This step ties into the second one. Make sure you find something to do. Let me clarify that this step is mostly for the times when you are alone. What I did was watch movies, play lots of video games, listen to my MP3 player, and read a bunch of books.

Of course, hanging out with a friend is a great way to take your mind off of the relationship and your ex, but they have lives too and can’t spend every waking minute consoling you. So, do anything as long as you’re not just sitting in your room browsing the Internet.

What you do doesn’t have to be something big, either. In fact, research indicates that even just doing something with the intention of it helping you could be effective. Journaling intentionally is one example of something small that can be really helpful.

I suggest getting yourself a beautiful new journalling notebook to inspire your new habit. 

Some Examples:

 

 

 

Learn Something New

Similar to the previous step, this step requires you to get up and do something. Where it differs though, is in what you are doing. Step three gets your mind off of your ex, but it allows you to do unproductive things for the sake of healing.

Step four is different in that you should do things considered “productive.” I took the time to write and to learn how to play piano. I also took up the hobby of paper crafting. So do something productive like writing, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, or taking up a hobby.

This is a crucial step of rebuilding your identity — one that doesn’t include your ex. It’s been shown that people who strongly identified themselves with their partners had a harder time getting over the relationship, so the more you can build a new you or rediscover old hobbies, or even rediscover what it’s like to do your old hobbies as a single person, the closer you’ll get to being happy without your ex.

 

 

Work Out

Exercising is good for your body as well as your mind. It has been proven to make you more focused and energized. Having focus and energy will help motivate you to do things like those listed in step four. Plus, if you are out of shape, then exercising will help you tone that body so when you are ready to get back to dating, you’ll be more confident about your physical appearance.

 

 

Take a Vacation if You Can

This step may not be possible for some of you. If money is tight, or if you’re young and don’t have a job, then this step may not be too useful. For those who can spare the cash, take a mini-vacation. You don’t have to fly off to Hawaii, Italy, or somewhere outlandish.

When a relationship ends, it’s hard to give complete, undivided attention to work and school. Sometimes you need to shake loose and enjoy life.

And if you’re having impulses to do something crazy — like dye your hair, get a tattoo, quit your job, and move to New Zealand — you’re better off waiting to do those things until you’re a little more stable and in control. A vacation could be a good way to feel a little impulsive without being totally out of control. You can try on a new identity later on down the line.

 

 

Cut Yourself Some Slack

Slightly different from going on vacation, this step encourages you to take a break from dating. A common mistake people make after being dumped is to date someone immediately after. That’s a no-no. Don’t make someone your rebound — that’s never nice.

Instead, take a break to reflect on yourself. Spend time working on bettering your life through your hobbies, your schooling, your career, or whatever else. Stay away from dating because there are too many things that can go wrong with that. You could annoyingly bring up your ex to your new partner, causing them to question your sanity and attraction to them. If your ex cheated on you, then you will most likely have trust issues with the new girlfriend or boyfriend (I’m guilty of this).

So just take a break. You don’t have to wait a whole year like I did before getting back into the dating scene, but at least give it a few months.

You might even be over them faster than you think. Most people overestimate how long it will take for them to get over their ex significant other, especially if they weren’t involved with the decision to end the relationship in the first place. So it might seem like things are never going to get better and that you’re never going to find someone else, but those thoughts simply aren’t true.

 

Recommended Reading:

The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing From a Breakup or Divorce

 

 

Embrace Change in Your Life

I should note here that these steps don’t have to be followed in any order, with the exception of the first step. In fact, these steps shouldn’t really be “steps” at all. You should continue doing all of them simultaneously or interchangeably until you have reached an emotional state you are satisfied with. That being said, I believe this final step is the MOST important step, hence why I saved it for last. It’s going to sound a bit harsh and a bit drastic, but I promise it is necessary.

The final thing you need to do is change your life. This can mean almost anything and will differ from person to person, but one thing should always be done. Get rid of your ex’s stuff. Throw away the pictures, videos, notes, presents, etc. or at least hide them away. You cannot completely move forward if you are clinging to the past.

 

 

Also, I’ve never met someone who was comfortable with their significant other having things from their previous relationships. It’s unhealthy and stubborn. Why would you want to hold onto memories of a failed relationship? I mean, sure, there were good moments in the relationship, but the very fact that it ended means that those good memories were outweighed by the bad. Like in the movie 500 Days of Summer, if you just stop focusing on all the good times from the relationship, you’ll remember all the bad ones.

 

 

Cut Him Out (Entirely!)

The next thing to do is get rid of your ex. Wait a minute, that makes no sense . . . I mean, we are already broken up, right? Wrong. In today’s Internet-driven age, most people never really get rid of their ex. They keep them as friends on various social media platforms.

This usually happens because both parties agree to “still be friends.” Don’t do this! Get rid of him or her. You will only hurt yourself by pretending that you can still be friends. I know it sounds mean, but you’ll regret it when he gets a new girlfriend and floods his Facebook with pictures of them kissing and loving each other or bombards his “wall” with status updates about how awesome the new girl is (the alternative applies for guys as well).

 

 

Protect yourself. Stop worrying about him. If in the future you decide you can be friends, then go ahead (unless your new partner has an issue, which is entirely understandable), but during the healing process, it’s best to shut them out entirely.

Besides, one study showed that people who cyber-stalked their exes tended to have more negative feelings about them, missed them more, and in general felt worse about the breakup. Don’t do it! Removing them from your social networks will make it much harder to do.

 

 

Expand Your Social Circle, and Possibly Your Career

Also, if you are young and can afford to find a new part-time job, then do so. A nice change of scenery and routine will help cast the illusion that things are better. The effort to move forward in life and create major changes to your job and circle of friends will help motivate you to become the person you want to be.

 

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Building off of what I just said, you should also find new friends. Now hold on! Before you call bullshit and close your Internet browser, hear me out. If you have friends that are exclusively your friends, who will stick by YOU and not your ex, then keep them.

However, if you had mutual friends, then you might want to consider distancing yourself from them. After all, your friends won’t be courteous enough to plan out every “hang out” so that you and your ex aren’t invited to the same event. Not saying that they are bad friends, just that it is not their obligation to ensure this doesn’t happen. How awkward would that be to get invited to a party, movie, or some other event by one of your friends, only to run into your ex when you arrive? Remember, you can always find new friends. And the ones that can’t choose you over the ex are probably not worth being friends with anyway.

 

 

Final Thoughts

So there you go. Those are my tips on how to get over a long-term relationship. Once again, not all of these will work for everyone. You have to choose which ones feel most natural to you. Maybe you don’t want to get a new job, and that’s fine. Maybe you really do want to be left alone, and that’s okay too.

Just remember that all things heal in time. So, cheer up, because there really are plenty of fish in the sea. And I know it hurts now, but eventually you will look back at all of this and laugh.

Use this time as an opportunity to work on yourself. Make new friends, work on personal goals, and play some damn video games if you want! It takes work to be happy and to get over that long-term relationship, but when you finally do…you’ll wish it would happen again. No I’m just kidding! But honestly, at least you will be wiser from your experiences and you’ll know how to handle it if or when it happens again.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering.

If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you get over him,  I recommend Psychic Access.


Get A FREE Reading Now!

All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.

 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

How to Make Your Man More Romantic

How to Make Your Man More Romantic

 

 

Sick of pining for a really romantic holiday because your guy just doesn’t get it? You are not alone. Many women long for romance but are with men who just doesn’t have a clue how to be romantic.

The thought of romance may trigger sadness and regret at the kind of relationship you’d like to have, but don’t. It may cause you to feel nostalgic for earlier times in your relationship when your partner swept you off your feet, but that doesn’t happen anymore.

If it seems to you that there is no romance in your love relationship or marriage, this could be a cause of bitterness within you and conflict between you and your mate.

 

Romance is Subjective

Men and women certainly have differing definitions about what is sexy or romantic. Generally speaking, women’s sexual fantasies tend to be filled with more romantic interludes then do men’s. Many women find a candlelit bubble bath or spontaneous picnic at dusk to be a great way to get in the mood sexually, as well as a way to express and share their love. This desire for romance begins in girlhood when young women are entranced by the promise of Prince Charming coming to life.

For boys (and later, men), their sexual fantasies tend to focus more directly on sex without all those romantic frills. So it’s not that he loves you less than you love him; it may just be that his expression of love excludes that prelude of chocolate and roses. Another point to consider: Some men have a harder time expressing their deeper emotional feelings, and fear feeling vulnerable if they do.

So now you know why trying to get romance out of your guy is like trying to get blood from a stone. But this doesn’t mean you are stuck with that.

Most women in this situation never say anything to their guy about their need for romance. They figure it won’t help, or they are afraid of expressing their desire for romance, or they fear being rejected or embarrassed in some way.

Also, some women think that romance is only “valid” if it’s a surprise or if it arrives from him without prompting, and if they have to ask for the attention, then the romance is destroyed. All of these excuses prevent you from improving the situation, and they leave him digging himself a deeper and deeper hole.

 

 

Teaching Your Man About Romance

 

 

Romance, Like Most Things, Can be Taught

We ALL learn things by someone telling us how it works, why it works, showing us how they do it and then offering positive reinforcement for doing it ourselves.

Here are some steps you can take to make romance bloom more easily between the two of you:

 

 

Spell It Out

He isn’t a mind reader, so he may not even know what you find romantic! If you just say “do something romantic,” he may feel overwhelmed or insecure and end up doing nothing. Or you could wind up with beer and pretzels, watching football on TV. Be specific — for example, say to him: “It would be really romantic if we could have strawberries and champagne by candlelight while I’m in some pretty new robe that you get me.”

 

Drop Gift Hints

When it comes to presents, it is still very reasonable to tell him what you want (“I think a bracelet would be so romantic. I just love turquoise stones, don’t you?”). If you can’t bear to do that, try putting a little note on his pillow that says: “I really love surprises but am kind of hoping for some earrings this year.” If you trust a girlfriend enough, ask her to call him and tell him what you have been pining for.

Ask for simple things: Don’t ask for expensive gifts or items that are hard to size. And if you have children, don’t bring them into it, because they might end up feeling responsible for your romantic happiness — which is not a good place to be.

 

Be a Role Model

Romance is a two-way street. Be romantic yourself all year long if you want him to be, too. Little gestures go a long way: Touch his face tenderly, spontaneously hug and kiss him while you are out, give him unsolicited massages or put love notes in his briefcase. Even reminiscing about wonderful times you have had together is romantic. As he enjoys these gestures, he will be moved to reply in kind.

 

Be Revealing

If you open up to him, you will create instant intimacy. Try telling him something personal about yourself and your feelings, and ask him then to tell you something in return. This will bring you closer and also decrease his fears of romance. You could trade sexual fantasies, tell each other what you like in bed, or just reveal something that scares you or you have always dreamed of doing. Also, you might try dancing! This a great way to be romantic and intimate at the same time.

 

Give Him Positive Reinforcement

He wants to love you and feel close to you, but he needs to see that romancing you will further his goals. So after you tell him what to do, give him feedback. Tell him how much you liked it, what a turn-on it was, how much you appreciate his doing it and how you really hope he does it again soon — hopefully before next Valentine’s Day.

 

 

Final Thoughts

While it’s helpful to know how you want to be loved, try to be flexible too. Be willing to communicate to your partner what feels romantic to you, but don’t go so far as to dictate or micro-manage a romantic experience that your mate might be trying to provide for you.

It can be a bit of a balancing act. Follow the tips above, give information about what your preferences are,  and invite yourself to appreciate the efforts that your partner is putting into loving you and making you feel special– in his unique way.

Receive the love that’s being offered to you…even if it comes in a slightly different “package” then you had in mind. This will open the door to even more romance to come.

 

Thanks for visiting and reading …

I hope you found this article helpful and empowering.

If you would like to speak with a psychic to help you move toward a more romantic relationship,  I recommend Psychic Access.


Get A FREE Reading Now!

 

All Psychic Access psychics are tested and verified, and you can start with a totally free reading to see if it feels right for you.

 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.