To My Friends Who Still Have Their Mothers

 

This will be my first Mother’s Day as a motherless mother.

For what it’s worth, my personal insight is this: as affectionate, imperfect, difficult – even dysfunctional – as your mother-daughter relationship may be, it still has a value you will only fully recognize when you are motherless.

I found this article by Jessica Wolstenhom on the Huffington Post recently, and felt like, in many ways, it could have been written by me. My story is a little different from Jessica’s in that my mother was terminally ill for two years after her diagnosis of cirrhosis of the liver (caused by non-alcoholic fatty liver).

Whether sudden or a long goodbye, whether a wonderful relationship or a difficult one; the eventual loss of your mother will change your perspective on life, and inevitably leave you with at least a few regrets.

I hope those of you who still have your mothers will take this advice to heart. 

 

 

http://www.clker.com/cliparts/H/E/q/z/Y/g/black-underline-swirl-hi.png

 

 

Dear friends who still have their mothers,

It came like a thief — 10 months almost exactly from the day she was diagnosed until the day she left us. Cancer has a way of doing that, robbing its victims and their families of health and freedom. One day we’re doing life together, making plans for the future — and the next we’re fighting this battle and eventually saying goodbye.

I never imagined I’d lose my mom this way or so soon. I couldn’t have planned or prepared for it. Her fate swooped in like a thief and took her away before I ever had the chance to fully realize what was happening.

And because of my faith I stand with peace and continue to hope but still…

This Mother’s Day, I am — for the first time — a mom without a mother. I will receive cards and gifts and lots of love, but I cannot give them. I cannot express my gratitude, despite her imperfections, with lavish love. I cannot thank her for all she taught me about being a mom, both good and bad. I cannot share how much she’s impacted my life, as a mom and a wife and a woman.

So dear friends who still have their mothers,

Whether you walk extremely close or there’s a valley of difference between you, reach out to your mother this week.

Whether you see eye to eye or you can’t agree on much of anything, look your mother in the eyes if you can and tell her how special she is.

Whether she’s loved you well or lacked in affection, tell her how much you appreciate her and linger in love through words or embrace.

Whether she’s been your role model or she’s shown you what not to do, tell her how much you’ve learned from her.

Whether she’s been a near perfect mother or a much less than perfect one, she’s still here and that fact alone leaves so much potential for you both.

Call her, embrace her, surround her with your love whether it comes easy or along with tons of baggage.

Reach out for reconciliation if you are estranged.

Reach out in compromise if you are indifferent.

Reach out with time and attention if you are busy.

Reach out with affection if you are reserved.

Reach out with generous love even if you already do it regularly.

This time last year, I never dreamed I’d spend Mother’s Day without my mom. Please, don’t let another day slip by without connecting with yours.

Happy Mother’s Day, friends. May you find grace to give and receive so much love.

 

Jessica Wolstenholm Jessica Wolstenholm is an author and freelance writer who blogs about motherhood and life at graceformoms.com
 

Related:

Coping With Grief

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *